Michelle...Unhinged

I’ve read the blog posts, tweets, and FB statuses of authors talking about how emotional publishing a book is and and their anxiety and so on. Wow. Now, I can honestly say I get it. I really get it.

If you ask anyone that knows me, they will tell you I’m fairly level-headed, calm, laid back person. It really takes a good bit to ruffle my feathers.Clearly publishing a book ruffles my feathers. LOL!

I’ve learned the stories are true…the road to self-publishing is frought with twist turns, tears, curses, and self-doubt. But isn’t that true of anything you are passionate about? This whole experience is difficult for me because for the first time in a long time I’m attempting something risky. I’m putting myself out there and bracing myself for the consequences (good or bad.) 

I’ve spent my entire life knowing I was a good student, and numbers are like second nature to me. Becoming an accountant, that just made sense. A good job. No needles. (I have serious phobia of needles...it includes crying hysterically followed by fainting.) No soul sharing moments required. Nothing messy.

The most difficult part of my career to date has been passing the CPA exam and while that is no small feat (I shed plenty of tears over that stupid thing) it pales in comparison. Numbers are safe but words, words are risky.

Failure is scary…no doubt. I hate failing. I just want to succeed but while failure sucks it has its upside. Motivation.

For the past two weeks I’ve been in constant battle with my emotional side and my rational side. This is seriously how unhinged I am. My inner monologue has been as follows:

What if this books sucks? 

Oh, well. You aren’t going to stop writing. You love it. Just deal.

What if people look at me differently? 

Who cares. This is who you are. If they are the real deal, they’ll still love you. And if not, who needs them.

What if people say mean things? 

Stop whining. There are always mean people but there are plenty of nice ones too. You’re tougher than that!

So, as you can see...this has been quite the journey for me. Now that I've bared my soul, its time to pick up my bootstraps and trudge on. As long as formatting goes as planned...major IF there...Soul Survivor will be released next FRIDAY, June 14th! Ahh! Stay tuned because starting this weekend teasers, excerpts, playlists, and all sorts of fun things are about to be unveiled! 

In the meantime, I will leave you with my self-proclaimed theme song. Take note, no matter how scary something is, no matter how risky, if its worth it to you then don't give up. 

And just like Jason, Luke, and Eric say:

Straight Ahead Never Turn Round. 

Don't Back Up. 

Don't Back Down. 

Full Throttle Wide Open.

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